as i sit here in class, exhausted, i sometimes wonder how i keep doing it. going to class day after day, getting pounded with two 2-hour lectures in a row, sometimes spending eight-plus hours in the lab in a single day, it’s amazing that i don’t throw my hands up and immediately decide that i’m tired of being a professional student. on a regular basis, i am told to learn a particularly huge list of things for an upcoming exam in one class and then told the same thing multiple times in another class. my head just spins with the mere thought of the amount of information i have to eventually cram in it.
on top of it, i’ve been perpetually tired for the past 5+ years. at least, it sure feels like it. i guess i could go to bed on time.
right now, i’ve been having a bit of apathy towards school. i’ll get over it soon, but when i look at myself in a distant third-person manner, i sometimes get worried. for example, i kind of don’t want to see patients yet–mostly because i feel so unprepared as to what exactly i’m supposed to do. i’ve been just a wee bit behind in my lab work all quarter–which, i suppose is normal since i’m taking a denture class which heaps loads more of lab work on me.
i have classmates who are already done with their two radiology competencies on clinic (taking full mouth x-rays, 20 of them, per patient); i kind of don’t care about jumping the gun on them. there are others who have scheduled all sorts of patient screenings for their first day on clinic; i really don’t want to do that, either.
after being in school practically straight all my life thus far, i think i’m a bit burned out. and that dental school is by far the most academically challenging thing i’ve ever done.
i used to be such a gunner. did i ever say no to doing something new when i was in the medical radiography program? never. do i want to learn how to do a loopogram? sure. want to place a tip for a barium enema? of course. interested in trying to do an acute abdominal series of x-rays by yourself on a 250+ lb patient who can’t sit up at all? well…okay, i’ll try it.
nowadays, i’m not quite like that anymore, especially as of late. i believe time tempers that gunner-like desire to be the best and to never say no to anything.
whatever it is, don’t become all worried about me. this feeling, too, shall pass.
i think it’s just because i’m not 22 years old any more. and maybe i just need to get more sleep.